Unsent text message to David

You were the best partner I could’ve asked for, you were everything I’ve ever wanted. I miss your laugh, your cute little giggle when I’d make stupid jokes. I miss showing you lord of the rings for the first time, I miss all of it so much and I’m so lost without you. I know you seem happier now and you’re talking to…

Any luck so far?

Keep it up, because I have faith in you.

Not giving in and calling you has been really difficult...

But remember- you have my number too…

Why did you do it? I was honestly ok living my moderately miserable life. Then that day happened you came in sat next to me and said “would you really want to see them”. That was all it took to open a door I had no ******* clue what was waiting on the other side. Why keep it up though? Why keep telling me how much you…

What if we go back to how we were for just 4 more weeks? We’d have this weekend, next, the wedding, and your trip to SF. then you could block me again.

I promise I’d make it worthwhile.

I’m sorry that I can’t invite you along to things. I so desperately want to, even if it’s the two of you. Regardless, it’s a chance to get closer. But I can’t even do that without causing trouble on my end. And that hurts. I’m not sure if you see it. I do know you do that, too. There are things you definitely could…

Even if you can't admit your mistakes and atone for them, can you at least tell me that what you felt was real? Tell me that what I felt and what I did for you mattered, that I mattered to you in that brief window of time.