Unsent text message to Nicholas

I know it was never easy. I had trouble understanding what you needed too. But I felt I did better than most would have.

I felt over time I would understand, and I wanted to. I wanted to know you, deep down inside. I wanted to be part of your healing. I wanted to be the love that you deserve but never got.

But I am…

I told you on instagram even though I’m blocked (I can see when you unblock me btw), that I wouldn’t send anymore text to you there. I miss you, it’s been rough recently but I’m doing better mentally. (Deflection yes) Either way the company we worked for fired me, some weird excuse. We worked at different stores but…

I wish we could start again, again. I wish we could both lay it all out, our expectations, the hurt we caused each other, take real accountability and just move forward. I miss my person. I’ve decided I don’t want anyone else. Yes, I’m lonely. But I’m not trying to fill any void, or with some random person, or “move…

Why did you message her? You knew the reaction you were walking into. I'm trying my best to understand. I've spent days trying to wrap my head around it.

Your entire thought process was something I can't even begin to figure out. In no way am I related to what's going on with your life. I don't want to be. It's been…

Is another day I wake up greatful and happy next to other people. Greatful for your choice. You hide in shame, not pride.. .

I’m so sorry I keep writing to you, about you, and of you, knowing you don’t give a ****.