iMessage
I am quietly quitting.
I am starving while giving you everything I have, and somehow I am still the one who isn’t giving enough.
You keep comparing me to the people before me, while overlooking the ways I show up that they never did. I don’t understand why loving you keeps putting me on trial against people who aren’t even here.
Sometimes it feels like you would rather cut me down than make room for me to stand tall.
But my victory today reminded me of the man I was before I started measuring myself by what you could find wrong with me. I remembered what I have survived. What I have built. How many times I have kept my word when it cost me something.
I am proud of that man. I miss letting him feel it.
I wanted affection I didn’t have to negotiate. Consideration I didn’t have to explain. Somewhere I could finally put my guard down without regretting it.
I can’t keep giving everything and calling the hunger patience.
So I am leaving quietly. No more presenting evidence of my worth. No more pleading for some tenderness in return.
An Irish goodbye.
I wanted to feel at home with you. I am tired of standing at the door.
You’ll see, the reflection of how you treat me. Messages left on seen, no check in and no explanation as I conveniently disappear the moment you look away.
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