Unsent text message to Mark

You literally told me that I can always reach out to you, yet I still second guess everything. Do you really want* me to just reach out? Or are you just being polite? The signs are almost undeniable but I still second guess every action. Maybe you’re just naturally protective & caring for everyone around you, maybe…

i know that if i was with you, all i would be able to think about is if you’re gonna do to me what you did to —-. if you’d speak about me the way you spoke about her to me. if you meant it when you told her you’d never change. i struggle to see a world with you where i’d be sure i’m the only one. i’m sure about you…

You have a very sweet way with words somedays I think you’re telling the truth. Even if you weren’t, your lies were still my favorite thing about you. My favorite thing to do was believe them. It hurt trusting you. But I did, because I loved you. I wanted to love you and your lies. I want you to lie to me one more…

You just played with me until I broke, then discarded me.

But I could see your soul, beneath all of that, and it was truly beautiful.

So I'll pray that you will heal in this life or maybe in another.

You never deserved what she did to you…

Under a week to go to 25 years wed and there you are chatting to “him” about “his” day. I may have painted a very different picture of who I thought you were all these years, a rose tinted version of my one and only woman I choose to stand beside, but the ugly is really coming to the surface as you share that moment…

I know I already apologized for how I have acted or hurt you but I feel the need to do it again.

I’m sorry for putting so much pressure on you for my emotional wellbeing

I’m sorry I wasn’t on top of my therapy and meds the way I should have been during our relationship

I’m sorry I yelled and said hurtful things to…