iMessage
If you hate me and never want to give me closure for crossing a boundary and hurting you, I get it. I just want to apologize for how I handled our relationship.
I regret not facing my avoidance head-on to flesh my ambiguous feelings towards you with my therapist, because I didn’t feel “the spark”.
I regret taking my comfort around you for granted.
I regret setting expectations that I wasn’t interested in you romantically, when those feelings were just suppressed and unexamined.
I regret coasting and treating you like an option.
I regret how I handled my first and now last situationship. I will never be in one again.
I regret not being vulnerable enough to have a hard and honest conversation with you about us and our future. There were serious reservations I had about our compatibility and I was afraid to lay it on the table to discuss. I’d never been in any longterm emotionally charged relationship to know how to handle it. I just assumed we weren’t meant to be together and never scrutinized those assumptions. So I coasted…
In hindsight, I realized you had unrequited love for me even when I had nothing to offer you because my life was in the gutter. That form of love is rare.
I never told you I loved you because I was unsure and didn’t want to lie. I love you now, but I hate that it took guilt for me to realize what you meant to me.
You didn’t teach me that I had the capacity to love, you taught me how to love.
The absolute clarity I have now hurts, but it’s a blessing for my path forward. I regret that the love, lessons, and clarity were forged in the furnace of your pain.
Maybe if I was the man I am now becoming, we would have grown old together, maybe not. I will never know.
I love you and always will. But I have to make peace that I’ll never be able to give it to you because I broke your trust.
You deserved so much better and I’m sorry I was not the man who could give you what you desired and needed at the time.
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