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You know what, I finally give up. Looking back, I was anxious the entire time. I was angry for the last half of it. I ended up not listening to myself, but for some reason believing in you.
It didn't matter though, because I cared...
In the end, I got burned; I am not without blame.
I never needed you. I never wanted to set it on fire. I don't know what happened, but I know enough to realize it doesn't matter anymore. I know enough to realize that I can miss you, and remember that having you around hurt me. I was always told sweet words, but words weren't enough.
I will never tell you that I miss you. I will never tell you that, unfortunately, you changed me. I learned a valuable lesson, because I am finally tired of making choices that go against my intuition. I am tired of sitting in spaces, or commiting myself to people who make me promises that don't align with their actions. I am tired of choosing people who don't choose me. I am sick of chasing the idea of people, and ignoring the reality that I know to be true. I am sick of telling myself I just need to want less, and be less anxious, in order to keep a connection alive. I am tired of making excuses for people.
I hope you enjoy my silence, because I am not chasing an answer anymore.
Instead of growing together, we will grow separately; and that is a choice you made. I am sure you will find someone who needs less, and doesn't circle around so much chaos. Then, it will all make sense. Don't worry, this isn't new to me. I simply thought you were the right match, but being too similar can also be a detriment.
You have your own chaos too; You just didn't know what to do with mine.
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