Unsent text message to Nicholas

Since the separation, the world has felt empty, and every path seems unfamiliar. I no longer know where I’m going or where I truly belong. My days keep passing, life goes on, and I do everything I’m supposed to do I show up, I talk, I laugh when I’m expected to, and I keep moving as if everything is perfectly fine…

I miss you. I love you. But I hate how it feels now. If I pull away you pull me close. If I come close you make cutting remarks and make me feel unwanted. Some days I think you are ashamed of me that you never acknowledge our friendship to the world. That you rub in your closeness to other people in my face every…

I really miss my friend and it kills me so much EVERY FREAKING DAY.

Ive always followed from the front.

And led from the back.

The first in the running,

And wont ever be last…

And grow old and grey with me?

You turned out to be one of the most selfish people I have ever met. You watched me hurt for over a month and did nothing. You spent weeks telling me you'd call, saying we will talk, only to flake at least a half dozen times. You "cared" about me, until you no longer wanted something from me. I am truly confounded by…