iMessage
Dear Trevor Ive been thinking about how I would react if/when you came back into my life again. Would I be happy? Would I be sad? Confused? Excited? Would I act like nothing happened! like you didnt throw me away again, like you didnt once again show me what Im worth to you? If Im being honest I dont know how I feel about you anymore its just kind of like your there but I still have a feeling of wanting you. Do I love you? Honestly I have no Idea. Ive been thinking about our latest interaction and the one before that. Honestly Taking a birds eye view looking at it from an outside view I would say you hate me. The only reason you come into my life is because I pull you in. There is not a mutual need or want to be in each others life is there? Youve told me you dont feel the same over and over and I never excepted your feelings. Ive always questioned it and tried to understand it. When I Should of Just accepted it and moved on. Im Sorry for constantly prying and Invading your boundaries. Clearly the relationship and feelings of wanting more was one sided and everything else I made up in my head. Maybe us going-out and hanging out all the time was truly Just you being a nice person. I think I Just got so attached to you because you were the one person in my life to be nice to me. To notice me. To encourage me. You seemed like you genuinely wanted to be next to me and be a part of my life my inner-world. But what Im slowly learning and understanding is everyone has a different life they are living which means everyone has different experiences and different perspectives. The experience that I had and felt with you wasnt the same you were having with me. I want to call myself an idiot and hide from the embarrassment. I wish I could be a permanent person in your life and I envy all the people that are. But unfortunately I have made it on that list and as much as that hurts its not Something I want to force. I also relized the last times we have hungout you never once smiled with me or laughed. which also hurts alot because all I have ever wanted to do when I am with you is make you happy. You were more to me than I ever was to you.
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