iMessage
Hey L,
Do you ever think about me? Or is the life you're living now what you want it to be?
Does he bring you joy? The man who apparently hurt you, did nothing for you, and destroyed the person you used to be?
Or was that all lies too? Was anything you, or your family told me ever true?
Was I just someone to have there to hold a space reserved for someone else?
I hate the person I became with you, but I blame you entirely for that. From the beginning you made me doubt your intentions, but you said your past was over, the chapter was closed, and you wanted forever with me.
Forever. Grandparents in rocking chairs. That was the dream.
But the reality was cold, affection less, and painful.
The lies you told, and denied. The regrets I felt because I thought I was the problem. The future you promised me, just a false story.
I really do wish you are happy. But I also wish you could stick to your own words just for once in your life.
You told me you were broken, that he broke you, and that you needed to be alone and get therapy to mend yourself.
A year, a year and then I could give you your promise ring back. But a week went by, and he was back in your life - confirming my suspicions that you cheated on me with him... But I suppose at that point you had "technically" already ended it, despite me still sharing your bed, kissing, and cuddling you.
This has been a tough season, but getting to see the truth of you and your entire family having lied to me for such a long time has helped, I don't have doubts anymore.
But still I blame myself, I wish I was different at that time, thinking maybe we would have survived; though I know you never chose me.
So now I have to be better for myself, and find someone to give my best version to. I hope you find the best version of yourself too...
P.s. I fixed my problems, and things have been great since.
Message Unsent