Unsent text message to Jessica

i woke up this morning dreading the idea of moving away and not being able to sit next to you. and look at you. and just exist with you.

i hate that i'm basing my decision to leave off your decision. i hate that there's an alternate reality where i would try to stay for you. all of this is too heavy for me right now.

i'm…

And just because I forgot to block that one account doesn't mean I'm going to respond. I thought our friendship meant something. But you don't just go radio silent for an entire month out of the blue. For no reason other than wanting to do other things. I should have seen the signs. How you only put in effort when you…

You always let the moment slip by.

Whenever I felt passion and excitement. You would say “well let’s wait”. Not explicitly, but you would let it pass.

Talking about it and talking about it and more talking. Until its not exciting anymore.

When the excitement is there, you have to move on it. Now. Not tomorrow or next…

I understand your nature now. Maybe it was bc we were best friends since childhood but over the last almost two years it’s like a blindfold Is off my eyes. I don’t think of you as a bad person just a damaged one. I wish you hadn’t tried to change me so much and criticized me so harshly. I wish I could’ve helped you. I…

But I still care deeply about you. A big part of me still hopes you’ll get around and willing to work things out with me. I miss you so much. I miss when you show that you care through actions. Now it’s all just words. And you’re distant. And it’s ******* me. I cry every day. My heart feels so heavy. I want to let go…

I feel so stupid for still wanting you when you’ve so obviously moved on.