iMessage
I understand your nature now. Maybe it was bc we were best friends since childhood but over the last almost two years it’s like a blindfold Is off my eyes. I don’t think of you as a bad person just a damaged one. I wish you hadn’t tried to change me so much and criticized me so harshly. I wish I could’ve helped you. I hope you’re doing better now. You were so depressed and angry and (as I recently learned) had undiagnosed bpd. I thought it was all my fault and that we fell apart but being with you hurt so much I had to leave. I couldn’t help you. Do you remember when we would hide how rocky our relationship was from our friends? Pretend everything was fine and laughing together? That wasn’t normal. I don’t miss the phone calls where I was crying in my backyard. I don’t miss our relationship bc I understand what it was now. You needed more from me than I could give and hated it. This isn’t an invitation to be friends again and it certainly isn’t me asking what you thought it was or what you think is wrong with me bc I’ve certainly had enough of that over the years. I don’t want you back in my life. Ever. You hurt me so much more than you know. But we were (and are) young. So I can honestly say I forgive you and I don’t think that makes me a better person or anything. I could be mean too especially when I was scared or offended. But from the outside it seems like you’re ok now. You thought you wouldn’t be in our last conversation. And I’m happy for you. I forgive you. And I hope you carry the good memories of us with you like I do.
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