Unsent text message to Harper

When you sent the text this Monday I thought you wanted to talk **** and disappear yet again. To say some final remark, to show how somehow against all odds, I had been a bad partner and friend. I immediately thought I had to make you talk. Only one way to do it. We met this Saturday.

I hadn't seen you yet and you had…

Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. Every hour that passes I’ve thought about you over and over again. My life still feels vacant without you here. I’m kind of scared, I feel myself slowly losing comfort in the things I used to enjoy. Some days just feel pointless overall. Every now and then I still…

i hope you sleep really well tonight.

we didn’t talk much today- partially because i’ve been busy, but probably because you didn’t want to disturb me… you could never actually disturb me. my days get better the moment you message me, please do that more.

but for now, good night. i appreciate you endlessly. you are my…

I'm s sorry for being the knife. I'm sorry for loving you by another man's name. I'm sorry for the way we met and the time we met in. I'm. Endlessly. Sorry for any pain I caused and any regrets or scars I've left behind. Endlessly sorry. X. X.

I am not sorry for getting to know you. I'm not sorry for holding your hand…

There you go are head down in your phone again, bing! another reply, tippy tap, tippy tap! your response, bing! and another reply. You must think I was born yesterday to think I don’t know what you are doing but hey “He’s only a friend,” you say. This deceitful side of you, I never thought I’d see, is ugly and it is…

1 month of detox from you, from seeing you, touching you, kissing you. 1 month of you being completely emotionally unavailable, rude, drunk, horrendous, spiteful. After 4 years of hurt and heartbreak, misery, blows to my self-esteem... this 1 month showed me that I am actually going to be okay. It still hurts. But I…