Unsent text message to Christina

There you go are head down in your phone again, bing! another reply, tippy tap, tippy tap! your response, bing! and another reply. You must think I was born yesterday to think I don’t know what you are doing but hey “He’s only a friend,” you say. This deceitful side of you, I never thought I’d see, is ugly and it is…

1 month of detox from you, from seeing you, touching you, kissing you. 1 month of you being completely emotionally unavailable, rude, drunk, horrendous, spiteful. After 4 years of hurt and heartbreak, misery, blows to my self-esteem... this 1 month showed me that I am actually going to be okay. It still hurts. But I…

Completely honest, didn’t hold back

The not really knowing, the not being able to ask the questions, the pretending that I’m ok, the grief that I have to hide, the not being human, not being me.

I’m not what you wanted and I can’t fake it because I like being me.

I’m not what anyone wants and I can’t fake it like everyone else does.

But at least I tried…

I write things I could never say to you. I leave them anonymously, somewhere among thousands of other beautiful and heartbreaking words, and for a little while I let myself believe that maybe, somehow, you might stumble across mine. Maybe you’d read a sentence and pause. Maybe something in it would feel strangely…

I write things I could never say to you. I leave them somewhere anonymous, hidden among thousands of other words, and for a few minutes I pretend you might somehow find them. That you might read them and recognise yourself in every sentence. It’s the only place I let myself tell the truth. But today I had a thought…