Unsent text message to Savannah

and suddenly, achieving anything in life feels pointless when i can’t tell you about it and hear you say you’re proud of me. i hope you liked the funeral, i didn’t feel you there but hope you were watching. i feel utterly alone in this world without you. i can talk about how i should have been there more but i was…

I Know we can't speak anymore, its not good for either one of us.

I made a mistake that cost me one of the clesest people I had left,

I miss you so so much.. Half of me wishes you find this eventually..

We weren't perfect.. but you so easily became a part of my life when…

And I don't want to live without you.

I don't want us to be part of the past.

I don't want to delete all the pictures of us.

I don't want to be sad, looking at all the pictures of us…

I should be packing. All I can do is lay in bed and cry.

I wish you’d reach out and say or do anything so I didn’t feel like I should hate you.

I hate this… so ******* much.

Oh well I’m sure we will bump into each other a few times over the next few months outside of work. Let’s hope it goes well.

I don't think I'm farther along in life than you (except maybe technically; I am older....sort of).

I think two people can be learning at the same time.

I think the two of us happen to be learning opposite lessons.....which is challenging.

I know how it feels to be pacing around in circles, banging yourself in the head…

Five years

Five years, I loved you.

And for those five years, you said you loved me to

You said you loved me but by the way you left me, I don’t think that was ever true. I was a placeholder in your stack of cards well you waited for the right one to come into play. I was the pawn in your game of chess and you played me……