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Not with you, but I would usually tell you how angry I am when something upsets me or I find something unfair and, well, you're not here to listen anymore. I can't understand how some people have everything and are still finding reasons to make themselves miserable, even tho I can't blame them because I do have empathy for them for lots of reasons. I would explain what happened in detail to you and you would probably relate to how I feel or just comfort me. Or maybe you wouldn't, maybe you'd just see my text and forget to reply. But that would be okay too, because I'd still know you saw what i wanted to say. Because you saw me even when it didn't feel like it, I know you did. And it's on nights like these when the feeling of control and being put together disappears completely. When I can't pretend like I haven't been hurting every day since you left. I can't pretend that talking to anyone else feels even remotely the same. I can't pretend that I trust anybody the way I trusted you. Even though I know that it's what's best for you, I can't stop having the selfish thoughts of how much this hurts me in return. I do feel guilty about that because I should just be happy that you're doing better. And I promise you, I am, if you truly are. I just wish I was the reason you feel better, not the reason you needed to feel better you know. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I promise I tried my best but sometimes that's not good enough. It's not your fault and I'm not blaming you for anything that happened. I just really hope that once you feel better you can come back. I really want my best friend back :( I promise I'll be less annoying this time around and will bother you less with my stupid ********, I just want to be around you. I love you so much, I hope you're safe and doing as well as you can. I miss you more than you can imagine.
Kiss kiss, K.
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