Unsent text message to Jackson

My favorite letter is z Z will always be the best to me No matter where you go no matter what you do I will always be in love with you

And even if you were id be the last person you'd consider but I find peace with you. I dont have to be a person, I can just exist. When I'm with you im not worried about how I look or how I sound. When I'm with you I can be the gross silly little sleepy goblin I am. That's pretty rare for me but then again so are you.

I don’t know if you think just leaving me on read and not responding is enough of an answer. I get that I guess, but all you have to do is tell me to stick around or go. Why leave me in complete limbo? You want me out of your life I will go. I just wish there was some answer. Don’t make me out to be someone who…

The day that I always always put way too much weight on. That's why it was always all crazy. That one time I did a strip tease for you. And we ended up fighting. We still ended up making up and making love but every year your birthday was something else. You still never got to eat that cake...

there was also a machete…

One minute I feel nothing but sadness and grief. The next I feel frustrated, angry and confused. Then I can feel okay for a little while, laugh with my friends and go about things as normal.

I don't want to spend my days feeling angry at you. I don't truly believe you deserve that. I think we both could've been better…

There's this weariness in my soul... It's starting to show, isn't it? When demand, expectation, everything I'm supposed to be starts to know... What erosion feels like... Even when it's my own psyche placing the weight on me, I know... Damn it.. I know.

I don't know how to fall apart safely, with so much weight on my…