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I want to forgive you, I really do. I'd love nothing more than for things to go back to the way they were, but that can never happen.
You said some truly awful things to me, and I still can't get them out of my head a year later. What did I do to have you speak to me that way? Try and support you?
You're a mean drunk. You're a horrible drunk, just like the man you swore you'd never become. Yet you don't seem to realize you've done anything wrong. Again, just the like man you swore you'd never become.
I've had enough angry drunks for a lifetime, and I don't need you to be one too. You think I ran away, and you know what? Yeah, I did. I ran away because I can see the anger in you, the scorn. Nothing I had to say would've made a difference, and you made that perfectly clear with the things you said to me.
How many hours of my life did I spend listening to you waffle about how upset you were after every single relationship blew up in your face? Maybe it's time to take a look at yourself, if they all go the same way.
When did you start thinking that way? How long ago did you lose your respect for me? what was it? Was it when he started smacking me? Was it when he almost killed me? Or was it when I didn't let it make me angry? When I didn't let him ruin me, and make me into what you were already well on your way to becoming?
You may not have been abused, but don't think that makes you any better of a person.
I ran away from you, because in you I see the shadow of every angry man that I've tried to love. You're better than that, I hope, but you clearly don't. I ran away from you, and you have no idea what I'd give to be able to forgive you for it all. But I've had enough of angry men, the last thing I need is another to add to the pile. This is me washing my hands of you, trying to tell myself that it's time to let you go.
No one who loves someone would speak to them the way you spoke to me. I wish you nothing but luck in changing who you are as a person, because when I realized who you really were? Well, it doesn't surprise me that everyone leaves. Of course they do, because who would put up with that?
Grow up, buddy.
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