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At some point I became apathetic. It’s not that I didn’t want to communicate… I just didn’t know how to. We always had an estranged manner of communicating you and I.
I never wanted you to be angry or resentful. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I never wanted to make you the bad guy. I am a coward.
At some point the desperation of not being with you had to become hope so I could cope with the fact we didn’t reconcile. Eventually that hope became a delusion until I was brought to hopelessness… by then I couldn’t believe you’d ever let me in again. Now I think I’m just bitter. I hope your petitions are met.
You and I have different perspectives. Maybe you thought you were being merciful… for me it’s an understatement to say I suffered all these years. I also hope time is much kinder to you than it was to me.
What doesn’t change is this though; you were there… I was there. Now we aren’t. I have no choice but to keep your memory around and have “what ifs” to console me. Thank you for you.
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