Unsent text message to Mary

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. no not anymore? ha ha ha ha. scary cat. ha ha ha ha.

We have been there for you. Best friends. We shared everything. We supported you - when other friends were terrible to you, called you names, criticized your parenting, fought constantly with you. We watched you time and time again go back to these friends until finally they crossed a line that could not be undone. We…

I did feel a "click", or whatever that means.

I would have been willing to go through the pain if it meant experiencing the good parts.

About that day: I know what you mean. There are certain memories of that day which are stuck in my mind.

My mind has been a jumble too. I find it's worse when we haven't been speaking…

I like you. I really like you. I just don’t think our communication styles kind up. I want to know what you’re doing through your the day, if you’re thinking of me, to be told when you’re busy. I want you to want that too. So asking for it seems a bit disingenuous. You also don’t ask me many questions about myself. I…

When I said you seen my deepest darkest demons, that wasn’t consent, that was expression of the trial you put me under. You took my demon and treated it like the king of hell.

You didn’t care, You didn’t love, You didn’t contribute, You didn’t have compassion, You didn’t have emphaty,

You were so caught up in the wrongs…

So tell me that it mattered, that I meant something to you

Because you’re all I can see

If its not you, I don’t want it

I can’t move on…