Unsent text message to Richard

ive been doing okay the past couple of weeks, at least emotionally. but that ache in my chest started again recently.

after almost 2 months i still hope you'll reach out for me. i hate myself because i would run back. even if you did, you wouldn't want me now because of how ive tried to cope without you.

i can't compare…

that I love you so much when you have absolutely no romantic feelings for me.

I feel like I’m drowning . I wanna talk to you . Tell you what’s been happy but I know you don’t actually care . The drama of it all . But I hope your okay

You all never had no real love for me but it's ok!

The blood dripping from my palm felt so right, replaying the same desperate, hopeless song. Work to be done, no understanding to string along; I **** ****** today, to see if I still feel... All the more glad that it's not where I belong, but the damn place gave me you. Alas. I will hold strong.

Talking on the phone all night. But we have to be "mature" and "evolved". We have to "take it slow" and "do it right". UGH.