Unsent text message to Maya

Which sounds ridiculous when we're not even talking.

It's called Secure Love, by Sue Johnson. It's about attachment. About what happens when two people love each other but fear gets tangled up in the middle of it.

I keep wanting to send it to you because reading about attachment changed so much for me. It gave me words…

You were lying in bed thinking about me that early, huh?? IDC. Just glad to be on your mind!!

you promised youd stop ghosting me. you knew how much you were hurting me but you kept doing it. you knew how much i deeply loved you and wanted to be with you. i know you loved me too. you said it yourself. so why did you keep doing it every time id come back? you never changed any of it. you are so broken and i just…

Well,hello from the other side.It must have been a thousand days by now .I stayed at the sea side ,got running on the sand like a nowhere man in a foreign land .I followed the crumbs.Mm so delicious .Cause I like to eat breakfast as dinner with presition.My mind is fun and funny and I am just laughing at the thought…

i may have secretly already sent you this through radiowaves, but i got my first psychiatry residency interview and i'm so shocked it's this early and i'm so happy and i just want to hug you so badly. i can't wait to hug you next week. our pre-separation ritual and a congratulatory hug. sorry if i lose my **** and cry…

You have no idea how much I have to contain when I see you. There are things I want to do that I never let myself act on. Things I feel in the split second you’re close, when my mind forgets every reason I should keep my distance. I want to stay a little longer. Stand a little closer. Let my eyes linger instead of…