Unsent text message to Zoe

Last night a memory popped into my brain. Usually I’d want to SH or cry. Last night, I smiled. I let the memory live and I smiled. I caught myself happy remembering the good times. Is this healing? I know you aren’t thinking of me. I wonder how long it took you to forget about me. But wow… I was able to smile.

I can hear the hate and disgust in your voice just talking over the phone.I see how you avoid looking at me at all cost when we do see one another (which is rare) as you avoid that too. I know all my fears were and are true now and I'm not sure that has helped me heal or made it worse. I can't understand, I don't and…

I want to lose my virginity to you. If not then I’m out.

I dreamt of you last night.

Just you and me talking to one another in a park at sunset. It was peaceful. Intimate.

I miss how things were in the beginning for us.

You’re on my mind every day. I hope you haven’t forgotten me. I hope you never do…

Hope you had a great trip. I am climbing tonight if you want to come.

for being my constancy and support

for giving us a chance to work things out if/when we don't see eye to eye

for forgiving the ways i fall short

for giving me the time of day…