Unsent text message to Richard

Last night I finally cried about our relationship again. Not the angry, frustrated, scared cry but the sad cry.

I don’t feel mad anymore, finally. I can’t believe it’s been 225 days already. It still feels like yesterday when I left, when I said bye to our kitties, bye to our home. I miss our home. I miss baking…

Would you want me to come to you? Even though originally you said you didn’t.

You left me, not the other way around. Just tell me what you want. Figure it out. If you want be be friends, let’s be friends. If you want to get back together, then STOP being scared, and tell me what you want. We can start over, just forgive each other. It won’t be the same, but is that such a bad thing? We needed…

I excused your behavior for so long, because I knew what your ex put you through, I knew you had mental health issues, etc. Thinking back on everything, I also had a ****** ex. I also have mental health problems. But I would NEVER treat you the way that you treated me, and then gaslight you into thinking treating a…

When does missing you suddenly stop? When does loving you suddenly stop? I’m not really sure if it does.

Days just become weeks and weeks suddenly become years. Years without you, your touch, your sweet sweet kisses. Those kisses get me in trouble, let me tell ya. As much as I cry, I have such a big smile looking back…

I don't know that I can ever just erase/delete 20 years of memories and feelings like you did, but I can keep it locked up and never think about it again.

It will join the other rooms with locked doors in my memory. The ones I still walk by sometimes and look at momentarily, but never enter. Because I know what's…