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Last night I finally cried about our relationship again. Not the angry, frustrated, scared cry but the sad cry.
I don’t feel mad anymore, finally. I can’t believe it’s been 225 days already. It still feels like yesterday when I left, when I said bye to our kitties, bye to our home. I miss our home. I miss baking goodies every week in our kitchen, crocheting by the window while the cats play with their little pompom balls, laying on your lap while you played games, being excited to show you my latest projects or new recipes.
I don’t want you back, I just want our happiness again. But it’s gone and it’s not gonna come back, and I’ve accepted it. I think what made it hard to leave the first few red flags was because I understood why you are the way you are. I understand why you treated me the way you did, why you view the world the way you do. It’s not your fault those things happened to you, and I’m so sad that because of it, you lost all that lovely potential you have of being such an amazing person. We could’ve really led such an amazing life with our dreams of homesteading, our future children. I was so excited for that chapter with you.
I hope that someday you will be able to see why it feels as if the world is against you. And I hope you will accept/find help, better yourself and find a beautiful woman to love you again the way I loved you. And treat her well when you do, I couldn’t wish that pain on even my worst enemy.
I forgive you, and I will be praying for you. Goodluck with everything.
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