Unsent text message to Shane

The one's where I have a dream you've opened a snap, and responded with something simple:

"I'll make time"

Something no one can make, but especially not now. Never you for me, not anymore. That in itself is okay.

It's waking to see the solid blue or red arrow greeting me when I hoped to see the empty blue text cloud that…

There are so many what ifs I'm okay with leaving behind.

A litany of oh wells.

A library of coulda beens.

So very many "don't be sad it ended, be happy that it happeneds."…

i loved you truly and you knew that we were so similar and encountered same events in life and you knew this was what you wanted; comfort,care,lots of love and assurance you knew i mightve been the one for you yet you love bombed me and left i was the avoidant and you were attached funny how the roles switched and 7…

Today I needed a lighter. To smoke my legal. I picked white for death—change. The death of the old, so the new can grow. Though I am terrified not so much of change but of comfort, not of the future’s uncertainty but its very possibility. What needs to die is this—harboring you in my heart, an empty boat, abandoned

i wasn’t ready to have to go through this again, yet, for you. the wounds from the first still reek of fresh death; someone who, although they thought it, could not make decisions for you. i am hurting for you from the past, the one that does not involve me, with her, this second. she who certainly can make choices in…

I’m sorry, but I just want you to reach out, I miss us hanging out and talking. I will have reoccurring thoughts of us going out and doing things together and how we had a great time. Someone asked me if I was in a relationship ( hypothetically) if I would go back and I said I would, just because we had a long…