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It's truly impressive how someone so small can take up so much negative space. You walk around acting like top chef, but the reality is you're just a middle aged prep cook mixing coleslaw at a station everyone else outgrew their first year. Your arrogance doesn't make you look confident, it makes you look desperate to cover up how deeply inadequate you feel.
You really think your ex knows anything about your unhinged call-outs? Or even cares? She came by last Friday with her arm around her new man and I guarantee she is more focused on him than some tiny miscreant shouting misogynistic gibberish to a ghost.
After your unearned confidence convinced you that you knew how to use a whetstone and you destroyed a chef's knives, that man put you and your entire digital footprint on blast. Now your 36-hour manic weekend posting sprees have become an inside joke. Everyone knows that while you're bragging about being a great father, you're actually a coked-up deadbeat glued to a screen, ignoring your kid during your itty bitty visitation window just to post arrogant, embarrassing recipe advice.
You aren't fooling anyone. Every time you puff out your chest or try to talk down to someone, know that we're all picturing you sweating over your phone on your days off, writing fanfiction about your own relevance. Everyone knows exactly who you are, what you did, why you got fired from your last gig, and how little you actually know.
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