Unsent text message to Christopher

i'm so sick today the antibiotic i'm on was suppose to cover this infection but instead the bacteria just got stronger i'm avoiding going to the hospital i hate the hospital. i'm sick of being hospitalized. i'm sick of being sick. the more this happens, the more afraid i am that one day i'll get sepsis and there won't…

I know you don’t want me anymore. But I want you so bad how can’t you see that. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you

Do you remember the first time you smiled?How about the first time you actually told someone 'I love you' without wanting to hear that back? -it's actually very hard to do it .I expect my cat to respond if I say it.So how come I know so much about it and still crave an honest love? A quiet life and to shout from a…

Fix this awkwardness between us, but I’m not sure how. Really wish you had confided in me about some things, no matter how deep or embarrassing. Wish I wasn’t so sensitive and able to read people’s vibes, you’ve got a lot going on and are maybe not ready to share the depths of the ******** yet, take your time, I’m not…

I can feel you tugging on the side of my shirt. I hear you calling me. “Come, come” I can hear you saying it. Literally.

I mean this in the nicest way possible. I’m not ******* coming. Stop it.

I don't mean safe like nothing bad could happen

I mean I could finally stop pretending I was okay all the time

I could be tired. needy. quiet. annoying. I could tell you things I probably would've kept to myself with anyone else

And now that's probably the part I miss most…