Unsent text message to Austin

I will pick up with writing more often. I just lack the motivation and energy to do so right now.

It used to be easy because I would procrastinate on my todo list and write instead. It was like a mini adrenaline dump or a fight or flight response so it came naturally to me.

But I don’t like the style that I was writing…

Batman I have an embarrassing confession I looked at your tictok pfp again I just wanted to see if it still broke my heart it does I don’t know why I can’t let you go we were toxic all we did was fight and hurt each other So why can’t I stand seeing you with her? Why do I love you and hate you at the same time Why do…

I feel sick. I am lost. I haven’t reached out because I know.. I know my happiness can’t be dependent on you.. I am trying so hard to be strong, move on. I am trying so hard not to think about you. About the hospital. About every time I closed my eyes and I saw yours. They say your brain tries to find calming things…

Even thought I left me and cheated yea I said some **** I were ******* another dude ? I was infuriated *** you expect

I believe we met today.

What do u want me to think & feel?

Exactly!

What do u expect from me?

With the **** u’ve put me through…