Unsent text message to Lily

I was never who they said I was. I’m not who they say. In fact, you will never know me now because you chose to believe them instead of discovering me on your own. I’d like to say I can forget but I can’t. I’m not in the business of proving myself. If it’s easier for you to believe in a narrative that keeps you comfy…

You don’t have anyone in that lonely city. You’ve been alone so long you don’t know how to share and reach a level in a relationship requiring vulnerability. I understood that. I get you. Find your way back to me. I know your life is consumed with solving problems so solve it and let’s work this out. Don’t be alone.

Driving home from work after a long day, cut off triceps by drivers who didn’t seem to care. Turning to look into the next lane to mèrge and then it happens. It's not some random face I'll never see again. It's a face, I've loved, laughed with, yelled at, embraced, excitedly looked for in a see of other faces, a face…

Every time i think about you now I remind myself the harsh reality that nobody actually walks away from someone they love.

When people tell me this, I instead understand it to be a coping mechanism shrouded by guilt and a false sense of martyrdom. You don’t get to be a bleeding heart like some ******* beatnik, you…

No matter the distance

No matter the time

No matter the space

No matter how differently our lives turned out…

Hey I’m not sure if it’s hope or delusion or whatever but I think I’m going to see you soon. Not planned just coincidence. Idk. I think it will be good though. I’m not sure what’s making me feel this way but I’m sure of it. If not it’s okay but then this feeling must mean something. I don’t want to say it’s hope…