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To Claire ¡

Claire

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I am still grieving the 90% beautiful thing that we had. You were my best friend and my 24/7 partner. ***** so hard🥲

I freaking hate that idk how to process that other 10%!!!

It makes me think, when you said that the relationship wasn’t all bad. Did you mean that about yourself? That YOU’RE not all bad?

If so… oh my poor baby. Of course you’re not😢 you’re amazing, you really are!!! I know it’s hard to believe when I was the one who walked away but honestly I’m starting to think more and more that it’s just me that doesn’t know how to deal with your 10% that I don’t see as perfect. Because in my eyes everything else was. And that is my flaw… idk how to deal with the feelings of not being loved enough.

I know I am not 100% great either, yet you still accepted me. And I wasn’t able to do that. And I suck for that and I am so sorry.

And I just can’t get myself to accept that I can work through that while still dating you. Because I won’t be able to determine if I am ok with accepting your sides that I don’t like without also being influenced by loyalty, by wanting to be a good boyfriend, by being intoxicated by your smile and your eyes. And that question ***** me. And I can’t go into something forever not having the answer to it. Not knowing if these are truly non-negotiables or if it’s something that I just need to work on being better at processing.

I’m sorry… I hope you’re doing better each day. I really do.

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