Unsent text message to Gabriella

I know good things are coming. I guess I just grateful. Things were so hard for so long…. I just wanted to say: thanks for being you.

I miss you to death. Why can’t we go back to where we used to be? Every time I reach out to you,

You run. Run. Run... And I am left here on the cold floor Choking on my tears, Staying quiet so you won't leave.

It’s such a shame That I can’t even say I miss you, That I wanted you, That I want to feel your heartbeat again…

You’ll probably never see this

I knew you got with her after we separated. She tried to insert herself into our relationship. Tried to keep you from getting married, confessed her feelings to you. I always had a sneaking suspicion that you never blocked her like you said you did. You got with her not even two weeks…

I think if I had one wish it would be that I could stop loving you.

Not because you’re a horrible person. Because you’re not. Not because I hate you either, because I don’t. Far from it.

But this ******* hole in my chest. What the ****. I thought it was gone. I’ve been okay for weeks, nearly months now. So why, why did…

I wish I could take your pain away, but it’s not my place. I want so badly for you to see life doesn’t have to be lived through addiction. Pain can be so awful, it doesn’t have to rule your life, though. I know it aches, when people aren’t what we think, or they change into someone else entirely, someone who’s not the…

You could have had this life years ago. You could have gotten your puppy, enjoyed your life, and made your choices without pulling me back into this cycle over and over again. The only reason and I mean only reason you ever returned was because you didn’t have a consistent source of sustenance because you kept burning…