iMessage
It’s been nearly 2 and half years. We’ve both changed so much, but in my mind, you’re still the same person you were when we were together.
I try to rationalise, put what happened into perspective, get angry at you, even. Convince myself that you’re not who I thought you were. That we just grew into different people. That we were never meant to be and that “we had a good run”.
And maybe that’s true.
But it’s hard work. Because whatever I do, in my mind, you were (and still are) so beautiful, inside and out.
Nothing can change what happened. The 12 years of us both trying and eventually failing, the trauma of us breaking up, tearing our lives together apart and the devastation of learning that you’d moved on, knowing that we could never be together again.
I know we both tried in our own ways but I will always be left with the regret of believing that I could have tried more, that I took it for granted that you were in my life.
I think about you a lot still. I miss you dearly.
The lack of genuine closure before you ghosted me still hurts but my heart literally yearns for you.
But I have to accept the reality.
And consciously, I have.
But subconsciously, it seems I still can’t forget you.
I had a dream last night.
I can’t remember much detail but you were on the floor, crying, full of regret over everything that happened.
I placed my hand on your cheek, wiped your tears away and just reassured you that it was ok. And that I understood.
That it wasn’t your fault.
I knew even in the dream that it didn’t take anything back or change anything. But I wanted to reassure you that it was ok. And that I still, and probably always will, love you. Not sure what that means… if it gave me even a sense of closure or just made things worse.
But I’d like to think that’s what I would do if I saw you today.
I’m so sorry.
Message Unsent