Unsent text message to Chase

Is it so hard to accept that I am not the enemy? That the narrative you've created from your own insecurities and self doubt might actually have fallacies that are stemming from fear more so than fact? Is there any way to talk to you without it being taken personally, or assumed I am out to get you, or attacking? I've…

Or how you sit down in the shower to shave. How you use a cup of water when you brush your teeth. How you put your shirt on head first& inside out. How when your concentrating you stick the tip of your tongue out like your trying to lick the tip of your nose. How you have to have your leg propped up(usually on me)…

You’re embarrassed of me.

I see it now, in the way you cringe when I speak to you in public. Through the rose-coloured glasses of loving you, it was harder to see.

But clarity is setting in. Even if our circumstances changed, I think you would still be embarrassed to call me yours.

And I would have been so proud to call…

Usually, when work has worn me down, your voice is the one I want to hear. The one that makes me believe everything will be alright.

Today, when everything seemed to go wrong, there was only one voice I wanted on the other end of the phone.

When I began to cry, I felt the love of my friends surround me. I’m so lucky to…

All you have to do is ask. Stay as long as you like. I want you here. Just ask me, and you can stay. I just want to be around you, talk to you, and, of course, be close to you. I want to love you. Just ask.

I'm sorry, this apology should have been given to you long ago but you stopped responding to me. I wish I never did that, we met when I was in a bad place and you made me feel important like I could actually be something and I was horrible. You were just amazing and I was young and dumb I made you feel horrible I was…