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I still think about you everyday. I miss your daily updates and rants. Just sitting on the phone for hours talking about everything and nothing. I miss waking up and cuddling you before falling back asleep again in your arms. I miss just looking at eachother with a stupid cheeky look. I miss your presence and everything about you.
Everytime I think of something that I miss, everytime I miss you, I’m reminded of how there seems to be a total disconnect in how I remember feeling when I was with you, and how you see our entire relationship. I don’t know how to reconcile that disconnect. I still don’t know how to cope with the fact that my truth and your truth are so far apart.
That’s what I hate the most about all of this. How utterly helpless I feel about the fact that you see me in a way that doesn’t reflect at all how I felt about you. That you maybe even believe I didn’t love you. I STILL love you.
I don’t know why things are getting hard again. I thought I was starting to see some improvements and now it feels like it’s all come crashing down again. I lie to myself that I’ve accepted that you’re gone or that you’ve made your choice. I honestly don’t know how to truly accept that. I don’t know how to accept that we’re just strangers again, when I still feel so close to you in my heart.
So here I am…sitting with a cheese sandwich on my lunch break writing about you once again. I don’t know where else to put these feelings.
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