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You can't make someone walk their path. I know I can't trust them again unless they choose to walk it themselves.
I did what they asked. I did the therapy. I gave every penny I had until I was homeless. Looking back, I now see it. I see how the goal was to manipulate me. To use my loyalty and devotion against me. To use the love I carried for them against me.
It's insane that all that damage isn't what would keep me away. The thing that would keep me away is their unwillingness to awaken.
Without that path, I could never risk having them attached to what I'm building. Too many lives will one day depend on it. With their flesh in control, I know all too well the damage they will cause. I know all too well how self serving they will become, all under the ruse of "I know you."
By now, if they ever look back at everything, they'll see that they didn't have one single thing right about my actions. They only understood my emotions.
My love. My loyalty. My desire to please them.
It's all good, though. I hold no regrets about all the protection I provided, even with prison becoming a reality. That's what life is. I know I am protected by anything far above mankind.
This is my umpteenth time writing this within a week or so. I've been sitting with it for much longer, though. A lot longer.
Sitting with the reality that I have no choice but to let them go.
That is the part I have fought the longest. Not the pain. Not the betrayal. Not even the possibility of everything I believed being wrong. The hardest thing has been accepting that I cannot carry someone to a place they have to choose for themselves.
Holding onto hope no longer keeps the door open. It keeps me standing in front of it.
I can no longer allow that.
Too much is being built. Too much has been entrusted to me. Too many lives will one day depend on what I become and what I build. I cannot remain suspended between what was and what may never be.
There may be many paths to the same purpose. Countless hidden doors ending in the same room.
I can see the door. I can know where it leads. I can even love the person standing on the other side of it.
I just cannot walk through it for them.
Only they can choose to walk through it and find the purpose waiting there.
That means I have to stop waiting outside their door.
I have to walk through mine, I've been allowed far too long to set up camp out of hope.
I have to let them go.
I actually have let them go.
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