Unsent text message to Claire

I’m embarrassed that I still think about you. It’s been a year since I stepped on my pride and put my ego aside to offer to drive two hours to see you. After flying out of state. And you refused to see me. I know I rejected you first, but you left with your actions. I just left with words. Still a part of me misses…

The last two years without you Cody has made me realize that even though I’ve had a very rough/tough time the last two years with everything that has happened in my life, i don’t feel alone. I think things happen for a reason, and having all my things burn in the wildfire, while watching the life I had created out…

You regulate me as I do you. Its a dependence that neither asked for. Here we are.

Honestly what do you want from me?

I realize my feelings are stronger than I thought. I want all the blessings and curses that come with you. You said you had feelings for me and I want to believe it’s true. I want to believe they’re the same feelings I have. I want to believe you aren’t keeping me for just attention and boredom and maybe it is all…

Don’t get me wrong I want you tremendously but I don’t know if I’ll ever fully allow myself to trust a man again after what happened and you deserve better than that

Midnight again, almost 12:30 now. I need a distraction from my anxiety. I just want to talk to you more about what I'm going through and how I'm supposed to handle it and process it. I still feel a little weird about all of it... but I think I'll be seeing you later this week, so hopefully we can sit and talk. I value…