Unsent text message to Connor

This is tormenting me... All this b.s. about the person I want to talk to and see more than anything in this world.

Can you do waterboarding instead?

Maybe that medeival stretching machine?

Literally anything besides whats happening…

I’m just saying that all I want is to **** it out. It’s not even that deep anymore. It’s just the fact that you have to keep it up for your ego.

You were right about the "time and distance".

The only thing that I miss about you now are the contents of your breeches. Sigh.

This too shall pass in a day or two.

I don't want to let you go.

I just don't.

maybe I'm stubborn or stupid. maybe one day I'll grow tired of myself. I don't know.

I just know that in this moment I don't ever want to let you go…

I guess I’ll never know why you didn’t come back. I’ll never know why you can’t apologize for hurting me. I cringe to call it closure because my rational mind understands that you left and we can’t have that back, but my attachment bond needs an ending to hold onto. Why do you think it’s OK to ghost? You don’t think…

My mind stays stuck on you even when I know I am forgetting to pay attention to the world happening around me.

My thoughts drift and wander but my entire being orients around you, keeping me from falling too far away from myself.

I remember your warmth. I am entirely too preoccupied with the way you touch me.

My imaginati…