Unsent text message to Emma

I don't want to let you go.

I just don't.

maybe I'm stubborn or stupid. maybe one day I'll grow tired of myself. I don't know.

I just know that in this moment I don't ever want to let you go…

I guess I’ll never know why you didn’t come back. I’ll never know why you can’t apologize for hurting me. I cringe to call it closure because my rational mind understands that you left and we can’t have that back, but my attachment bond needs an ending to hold onto. Why do you think it’s OK to ghost? You don’t think…

My mind stays stuck on you even when I know I am forgetting to pay attention to the world happening around me.

My thoughts drift and wander but my entire being orients around you, keeping me from falling too far away from myself.

I remember your warmth. I am entirely too preoccupied with the way you touch me.

My imaginati…

You’re the first and last person I will think of before I die

I tried and tried with you. I tried to set boundaries. I gave you all the compassion and understanding in the world. I let you walk all over me and continue to do all the things I told you hurt my feelings. And here we are. I finally set a hard boundary and all I get is a **** you.

I gave you a reality check because…

I don't know what happened to you. I thought we were soulmates. But I see now that your love was conditional. I heard you out so many times but you never once considered my perspective or my feelings. You threw them out. It's clear there is no space for me left in our relationship. I've shrank myself so much but I…