iMessage
I guess I’ll never know why you didn’t come back. I’ll never know why you can’t apologize for hurting me. I cringe to call it closure because my rational mind understands that you left and we can’t have that back, but my attachment bond needs an ending to hold onto. Why do you think it’s OK to ghost? You don’t think you deserve love? You have mental health issues? You got scared? You told me you loved me and felt safe with me and I believed that and trusted it. You should have tried harder. You should have gone to the psychiatrist. You should have started therapy. I trusted you so much that I lost my mind when you disappeared. I’ll never understand. I know what happened. I know you were overwhelmed with grief. It’s OK to make mistakes. You make amends and we move forward. I would have made anything work for us. I gave up my mind trying to figure out how to make you feel safe enough to stop ghosting. I believed our connection was still alive under it all. But I’m not stupid. You don’t care about me. You don’t miss me. You don’t wonder about me or think about me. I’ll never understand how that happened overnight. I’ll never understand how the panic overtakes you the way it does. You said you loved me so much, so I lay here not understanding how I’m now alone in this bed. I imagine you still walking around my house. I imagine you hugging me. I wonder why you don’t feel the need to explain or apologize. My heart doesn’t feel our connection under the silence anymore. I finally accept that you buried it. But I don’t understand.
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