Unsent text message to Rachel

We did everything together. We moved across the country together, then back again because we missed mom and dad. Lived together as adults, partied pretty damn hard together. But you were always there for me. You were the one I called, the one I knew I could lean on. We did that for each other.

Then you got sick…

I hate that you used me for a better experience to forget what happened to you. I wasn’t made for that. Im sorry you can’t get over what happened to you, and you kinda did it to me. You say you don’t want therapy but thats what you need. You messed up your hand when we fought over the phone then you sent me a picture…

I've never once stopped thinking about R. Every thought leads to him. He's a jerk yes for his past to me. But he sees and knows me better than S ever has. S emotionally abuses me to the point of daily thoughts of not being here anymore. R reignited my self worth with a couple tesx. S let me go. I feel trapped.

Forgive me. I was not planning on developing a crush on someone else.

I'm just moving on. Like I'm supposed to be. I think...

It does feel weird. It was supposed to be you, A.

But you aren't here. We can't be together…

I’m sorry. We were kids and I’m sorry that I punished you for doing what you did: irrevocably damaging our trust and hurting my feelings. We both know I should have just let you go. I held on for months and you dealt with my fluctuating emotions, all the while I blamed you entirely. You just took the punches… until…

It’s been two months since you’ve ghosted me. Why haven’t you responded to anything. I hate you for being my first love. I regret letting you back into my life.