iMessage
I’m sorry that I hurt you even though I love you deeply.I deleted everything I wrote to you on here. My heart hurts too much. Constantly. I am sorry. I love you but I know for certain now that changes nothing for you. I was under the impression that you were across the world in another continent and blamed the distance as to why we’re not together but I saw you yesterday just walking in my city - and realized, you don’t want to see me even though you were barely 10 mins away from my apartment. I was so confused and hurt - I felt actual physical pain in my chest. I froze and ran. I cried the entire way back home and didn’t care strangers on the street could see tears rolling down my face like waterworks and felt uncomfortable. I couldn’t give a **** who saw, I couldn’t have cared if I had gotten hit by a bus crossing the road. I couldn’t care or stop. My heart was shattered. My world fell apart. Reality of my one sided delusion I thought was love crushed my soul. The reality hit. You are in my city and have no desire to see me, when I cried myself to sleep every day in the last 3 weeks helpless and broken from not being able to touch you or hold you. - While you were in this city just glitched my brain, I feel so small and empty. So ashamed- I am sorry. You were right all along. I just needed to be locked in a mental institution. I imagined that you loved me. I read into it, I got it wrong. Everything was just in my head. A grand illusion. A fever dream. I am so sorry and so embarrassed. I am insane.
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