Unsent text message to Emily

Not sure what we are or where this will go, but I’m really enjoying our time together and thankful for the excitement you have brought into my life. You are a really cool person and should be proud of yourself.

I never told you but that song made cry I think I’ve always cared for you I hate how I always self sabotage Can I never leave your side ever again it will **** it if I did I don’t think I would be able to breathe I’ve honestly grown with you and it’s so scary and I cry a lot even thinking my life without you.

As I lay here in bed in my truck and rub my neck from where I fell off of the truck last Christmas rushing to get to you I ask myself when do I get my happy ending? I gave you so much of myself that I can't get you out of me . No matter what I've tried. Did I ever mean anything to you? You just left me in the cold…

I LOVE metaphors. And today I thought of one that was sooo fitting.

We used to walk everywhere together, hand in hand. I’d pull you when I was feeling confident and you’d pull me when you were feeling insecure.

Usually though, almost always, you were feeling insecure. So you would pull my hand/arm in your direction to…

I literally melt when you look at me like that. That really soft gaze which you hold for a few seconds before slowly blinking and looking away. I feel like I have memorized it but I get butterflies whenever you look at me like that again.

You think that you're the only one who's been restraining their feelings since…

I still don’t know if you’ll ever see this. If you still check. I just hope you’re safe. I know in how much pain you are. Pain, I’ve caused you. All those months, hell, a year of suffering, because of my cowardice and selfishness. I really hope you’re reaching out to someone. I know I can’t be that person any more…