Unsent text message to Alyssa

We have shared hundreds of smiles, from cheek to cheek. We have shared more smiles than words.

The smiles were enough. But, after the smile you gave me today, I want so much more.

I know you are taken

As hard as it will be I will force myself not to be the one that reaches out today. I’m not texting you. Certainly not first. I’m not coming down to visit. I want to see you but every effort I make seems to lessen your interest. As ****** as that is I’ll continue to play along. Today though you have to reach out…

I clearly know nothing about what you feel and what you think of me. If you ever decide you want to talk to me, I will listen with compassion and understanding, even if it isn't the most flattering thing ever. Otherwise, I'm probably going to stick in my corner as to not make a fuss or make things "weird" because I…

I know it was never easy. I had trouble understanding what you needed too. But I felt I did better than most would have.

I felt over time I would understand, and I wanted to. I wanted to know you, deep down inside. I wanted to be part of your healing. I wanted to be the love that you deserve but never got.

But I am…

I told you on instagram even though I’m blocked (I can see when you unblock me btw), that I wouldn’t send anymore text to you there. I miss you, it’s been rough recently but I’m doing better mentally. (Deflection yes) Either way the company we worked for fired me, some weird excuse. We worked at different stores but…

I wish we could start again, again. I wish we could both lay it all out, our expectations, the hurt we caused each other, take real accountability and just move forward. I miss my person. I’ve decided I don’t want anyone else. Yes, I’m lonely. But I’m not trying to fill any void, or with some random person, or “move…