Unsent text message to Ryan

They would reach out the instant they knew I was hurt to make amends. They would seek to soothe my pain and we would grow closer from the mending.

It would take no time for them to know exactly where they belong. With me. Right here with me.

How is it going carrying me in your soul? That part of you in mine is doing well.. i miss you, i don’t think i would ever want to be with you again. But i miss your laugh, your smile, your caring nature. I miss knowing you are okay. I still think a conversation would be good for closure, but it’s okay if you’re not up…

how??? how? i don’t get it. how is it not bothering you the way its bothering me. we haven’t had a proper conversation in 5 days. i’ve been crying myself to sleep because you can’t make an effort to talk to me besides hi how are you. really? is that what we’ve come down to. you went 24 hours without texting me. there…

I did love you. But our situation made it hard for me to feel secure. I became toxic. I didn’t know how to express my boundaries properly, so a lot of it came out as fighting. I could’ve handled things better and not hurt you the way I did. I'm sorry.

I still care about you and miss you. I don’t hate you. I just wanted…

why did you have to do this to me today? you have zero idea how miserable i am right now. you don't even care how miserable i am. all you wanted to do was hurt me? but. i can't even breathe from how sick i am