Unsent text message to John

I wish I could see you, even if its just for a moment in the distance. I'm sure you're happy, and maybe I'm a fool. Maybe I'm the only one still stuck in the past. I'm not sure if I will ever heal from this. Its been 2 years since I've even spoken to you really. Despite the new people that Ive met, at the end of the…

All this time later and it's not the fact that you left that hurts me, it's the last sentence you said to me just before you walked out of my life for good. Honestly it's all because I don't understand why you'd say it in that last moment we shared together, our final hug just before you left. I just don't know and it…

So i said we can text, right? I said I'm not ready for calls right? And ofc u being you, immediately called. Then u acted like something was wrong when i didn't answer....and called back again.....and like a *******, i answered., because i have actual feelings, i answered. And within ten minutes, u are telling me u…

i've cooked dinner every night for 20 years. i recycle. i turn the lights off when i leave a room. i make sure everyone has clean clothes. i rarely complain. i like fuzzy baby animals, i'm not picky about music. i can tell funny jokes sometimes. i'm snuggly. i like looking at things to see how they're made or how…

You can still find me because of my online presence. It’s hard saying goodbye to the life we almost had here. It doesn’t work without you being here and sober and happy to be of service and that just wasn’t who you were.

Now I know why you were terrified to let your family back into your life. They enabled you to ghost…

Remember when I said I would love you bald and toothless? It’s been a year. I hope you’re a totally different guy now.

I swing wildly from wishing you all of my stomachaches and flinches to praying to the sky above that you found a way to be happy.

Tonight I wish both. I hope you look around every corner, terrified…