Unsent text message to Joshua

It would have been nice to still have a best friend , it’s my late moms birthday and could have used someone caring enough to distract me or at the very least ask how I am

5 ******* years, 5 liters of tears, all wasted. You were supposed to support me. You knew moving across the country would be challenging. Instead you ran home every other week. Instead you quit as soon as it got hard. We were supposed to be taking this on together instead I get silence. ******* pathetic. I’m so torn…

Tbh i hate taking selfies for you. And you’ll never sleep on my couch, let alone in my bed. Idk why I’m even entertaining you. Yeah I do. Sheer boredom. Searing loneliness. I genuinely just wanted a cigarette

to see you to feel you and to hear you again

and say I love you to myself silently every night, still. I miss you so much it makes my heart physically ache. I wish things hadn't devolved the way they did, and that we could have, at the very least, remained friends. I'll never stop wanting you. Love you, goodnight.

I care about you. More than just a friend. I feel silly even writing it out. We’re supposed to just be friends. All I want is friendship.

All I wanted.. was friendship. (Is what I keep telling myself)

Even when I’m with you I just feel complete loyalty and comraderie. There’s no lust, no insane passion or tension. It’s…