Unsent text message to Adam

Tbh i hate taking selfies for you. And you’ll never sleep on my couch, let alone in my bed. Idk why I’m even entertaining you. Yeah I do. Sheer boredom. Searing loneliness. I genuinely just wanted a cigarette

to see you to feel you and to hear you again

and say I love you to myself silently every night, still. I miss you so much it makes my heart physically ache. I wish things hadn't devolved the way they did, and that we could have, at the very least, remained friends. I'll never stop wanting you. Love you, goodnight.

I care about you. More than just a friend. I feel silly even writing it out. We’re supposed to just be friends. All I want is friendship.

All I wanted.. was friendship. (Is what I keep telling myself)

Even when I’m with you I just feel complete loyalty and comraderie. There’s no lust, no insane passion or tension. It’s…

Loud and clear, you unfriending me with no words or anything was the closure I guess. Good luck, I hope you find happiness in my absence

With love

Did I **** that up? Probably. Do I care? A little. Will I do anything about it? Absolutely not. I will simply hang my head in shame and pray that some day soon I will learn to stop embarrassing myself.

xoxo