Unsent text message to William

Be honest, are you scared that I'll see you in a different light if you open up to me? News flash, I'll never let my judgement of you get clouded. You're genuinely a good person and I value us... even though it may not seem like it some days. You can let your guard down. What happens between us, stays between us.

Yesterday you told me you don’t know if we can continue doing what we’re doing almost as if you’re scared to lose me entirely. And I think maybe when I said if I did find someone I would end this thing between us. And that I’d tell you and have a conversation with you and not just leave. But I didn’t elaborate…you’ve…

Can you be the one to show up this time? The one to make the journey and put everything on the line. Would you do what I already have before? I miss your presence in my life. But I also know you wouldn’t do it. I don’t know. I just want to hear it come from you. I’ve asked you questions that you’ve never given me…

You said you still loved me but I don’t have as much confidence that you do. It has been three weeks. I won’t contact you - you said you’d contact me. And as every day passes, I think, He may never. This may be it.

I still feel so lost. I stopped going on dates because it became so clear I wouldn’t find what we had and…

you just added to the problem. you created a black hole of issues for me. left, right, up, down. you were never satisfied. I could never miss that.

you were less of a teammate and more of an enemy. now I’m playing too

Don’t wake me up. Just let me sleep. Not seeing/speaking to you all of September was hard. And I know it was hard for you. I’m sorry.