Unsent text message to Luke

How's it going? What are you up to? Anything good? Were you thinking of me? It's ok if you weren't.

I'm still stuck on us baby I love you and I miss you so much I want you baby I want you so much

and suddenly, achieving anything in life feels pointless when i can’t tell you about it and hear you say you’re proud of me. i hope you liked the funeral, i didn’t feel you there but hope you were watching. i feel utterly alone in this world without you. i can talk about how i should have been there more but i was…

I Know we can't speak anymore, its not good for either one of us.

I made a mistake that cost me one of the clesest people I had left,

I miss you so so much.. Half of me wishes you find this eventually..

We weren't perfect.. but you so easily became a part of my life when…

And I don't want to live without you.

I don't want us to be part of the past.

I don't want to delete all the pictures of us.

I don't want to be sad, looking at all the pictures of us…

I should be packing. All I can do is lay in bed and cry.

I wish you’d reach out and say or do anything so I didn’t feel like I should hate you.

I hate this… so ******* much.

Oh well I’m sure we will bump into each other a few times over the next few months outside of work. Let’s hope it goes well.