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I'm totally and crazily in love with you and that's the truth. I hate lying and hate people who lie and that's why it's been even harder because I realized some time ago that I have been lying about my feelings for you.
To tell you the truth I fell in love with you when you sent me a recording of your song all those years ago and I have been forcing those feelings down, and forcing myself to not feel anything. Because if I allow myself to feel, I will drown. Not just because of how intense and amazing I feel to be in love with you but because if I let myself feel love I'll also have to feel everything else that comes with it like knowing it's so wrong to be in love with you. It's wrong because you're in a different relationship and so am I, it's wrong because we are all friends, it's wrong because I would be hurting you, your partner, my partner, and everyone else, it's wrong because I don't think you feel the way I feel. But even though it's so wrong, whenever I'm with you it just feels so right.
All the small things make me feel it's so right, like I look at you, your eyes, your calmness, your cute face, or the way you are always ready to talk about the weirdest things with me or are open to helping me out or giving a different perspective or just the way your hug feels or how you would rather look at me looking at the sunset than see the actually sunset or how we have this crazy connection through music. You feel right. You feel worth it. You feel like someone I want to know and be with.
But I don't think I can ever tell any of this to you, so I guess I'm just being honest in this one place where you're probably never going to find me.
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